Misadventures in Line Dancing: A Pride and Prejudice Fanfic

So, this particular fanfic wasn't chosen because it has horrible grammar or completely sicko pairings. The reason it's here is because, after reading through it several times, I'm still sort of confused as to what exactly the author is trying to communicate. Here, we see Jane Austen's famed Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy (aka Lizzie and Mr. Darcy) taking the stage as...middle school PE teachers instructing a class of brats middle schoolers in the refined art of...line dancing. Check it here if you don't believe me. After a few hundred words of awkward, out-of-character dialogue and minimal action, the story ends abruptly with an obnoxiously childlike proposal of a dinner date from Mr. Darcy.
Okaay...I'm not 100% sure of what the point of this fanfic is, and if I can even call it a fanfic, considering the only resemblance to Pride and Prejudice is the names (though I can't say that with confidence, either, because apparently, Charles Bingley is a band teacher [I think] who goes by the nomer Chaz).

Someone care to tell me why the point of this is?

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Chronicles of Light (ZeldaxTwilight crossover)

So, among that monstrous list of Twilight crossovers from the last post, I found a LoZ/Twilight crossover list.
This next bad fanfic is a mishmash of The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess and Twilight. I'm thinking that the inclusion of the word "twilight" in each title just screamed, "OMG WRITE A BAD FANFIC CROSSOVER OF US!!" to the writer. Unfortunately, this fanfic only brings a single word to mind- why?
In the summary, this author asks, "What if Bella was Link's sister? What if Midna was one of the Cullen's? And what exactly is wrong with Link...? Find out in this fanfic... Sorry no sequel is going to happen."
Well, I think that the problem with Link is probably that he's in Forks instead of in Hyrule. And the fact that there is no sequel to this is just tragic.
Of course, besides just being Bella's brother, Link is the primary narrarator of the story and apparently ends up dating Midna (oops, spoiler alert). Looks like the author has managed to fulfill the fantasies of all the LinkxMidna shippers. Go ahead and celebrate, guys.
Anyways, it's 18 chapters long, and can be found here. I tried to finish it all and couldn't...LoZ: TP was one of my favorites out of the series and this was just too painful. Good luck.

Chapter 6, in which Link informs his 'father,' Charlie, that he is dating Midna Cullen.

Really?

So, I searched crossovers for Twilight and whatever on fanfiction.net just to see how many there were. The number, while not entirely surprising, is extremely sad. I'm losing my faith in humanity.
You can't read anything by looking at the image, but you can see how ridiculously long it is. If you want to get an idea of exactly what fanfiction authors are mashing together, you can see the list here.
Just look at some of the stuff people have crossed over with Twilight. Ponyo, really?




This is sad. Truly.

 

"My Name is Crystal Uley"

Today's fanfiction is "my name is Crystal Uley" (and yes, I kept the original capitalization) and is one of millions of Harry Potter/Twilight crossovers found on fanfiction.net. It's not a total trainwreck quite yet, but judging by the summary and the first few lines, it's got the beginnings of one. On the bright side, the punctuation and grammar is almost at a high school level, which is pretty good. Although, judging from the summary, I think the author may have had a bit of help with her editing.
The main character is, shockingly enough, Crystal Uley, daughter of the werewolf Sam from Twilight. Turns out, Embry (another werewolf) has imprinted on her, and these are the adventures that follow...seems fairly okay, until the author throws in that Draco Malfoy is suddenly her BFF. Oh, and she's also an elf, a witch, a mind reader, a shapeshifter, and a soon-to-be-werewolf. Wait, sorry, Princess of the elves. My bad. Mary Sue, anyone?

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And that seems to be all there is of this gem for now. Until next time!

Hey guys! Check back every so often for the newest bad fanfic. I'll post a screencap and a link and leave it open for discussion and rating. See you then!
                                                                                               -Noah